I'm in a lull. I haven't lost more than a loss of .2 or .6 here and there for the past month AND I've been struggling with my physical activity ever since this shin splint decided to make it's way into my life. I've been eating "clean" other than this weekend, which really wasn't that bad. We went out to dinner with two other couples on Saturday and I got a grilled chicken breast sandwich with a side of sweet potato fries. Now I know that those aren't healthy, but come on. Was it worth it? Not at all. Should I have done the impulse order of that? Absolutely not. But, I did it, and I should move on, learn from it, and not repeat in the future.
I am having the feeling of "it's just not fair." Other people, it feels like most people, eat horrible. Fried this, fried that, booze, etc. I have to budget into my calories light beer, or even a grilled chicken breast restaurant style. I have to work my butt at the gym just to maintain the weight I am. Well, I want to loose 20-30 more lbs. Really, 30, but I am feeling so darn discouraged that I feel like 20 is too much to wish for. But I can do it... right? I hope.
I've been pushing through this shin splint, even though I'm literally limping throughout the day. So today, I skipped the gym all together. I didn't run, do the elliptical, or lift weights. It's ok to take a day off, right? Well, probably not when I didn't go to the gym on Saturday or Sunday. Ugh.
Another thing I want to "vent"about is feeling like I'm slower than molases when I run and I have been catching myself thinking why even do it?
I have friends that run miles anywhere from 5.0-8.0 and faster. It's frustrating when I'm busting my butt to literally run at a 5.2-5.5 pace. Somehow on my birthday I ran about a 5.8-6.0 pace, but that was when I wasn't experiencing this darn shin splint. One of my friends texted tonight and she said she ran a 10 minute mile tonight. She just started running last week. I just feel..... discouraged! It's the only way to put it.
I really enjoy the quote of "no matter how slow you go, you're lapping the person on the couch" and that usually makes me feel better, but after hearing about my friend that just started running last week 10 minute mile tonight and seeing how others are running these long miles while it takes me fifty freakin' seven minutes to run 5 miles...... I am just down.
I know some people may say "it's ok you're having shin splints" or "at least you're running" or make some other excuse for me, but I just don't want anyone to feel sorry for me..... I just want to be better and continue on this road to a thinner and leaner me, but I feel myself slipping and I'm scared.
Really, I.. am.. scared!
I am in it for the long haul, but is what I have enough? I sure hope.
Sorry for the "pitty party," but when I originally set up this blog it was my intention to blog about my path to a healthier lifestyle, including the ups and downs. And this is definitely a down part of my journey. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to truly express my feelings and to sugar coat my journey. This is life. It is HARD. It SUCKS. It's just NOT FAIR. But, it is what it is, and I need to accept that.
I am usually very up beat and am proud of my accomplishments and look on the bright side of things, but I am really struggling with that mindset this week. Hopefully next post I'll have a more uplifting or lighter (no pun intended) blog post.